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 Post subject: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 10:43 pm 
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2T) DeMarcus Walker 6’3 273 DE Florida St.- “You’re goofy.” “Don’t piss me off Art.” Yes I know it’s a little goofy to suggest a trade down into VERY early round 2 rather than trade up for an elite edge rusher. If you don’t like it then “Kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah.” Anyway, Goofier yet is me believing that Walker is just as good if not better than the consensus defensive player of the year, Jonathan Allen. Tony Dungy said that Chuck Noll said that if a player is productive in college he’ll be productive in the pros. Well, in addition to being a versatile team leader and all out hustler, Walker this year posted 15 sacks, 3 FF and 3 fumble recoveries. Dig this kid.

2) Cordrea Tankersly 6’0 200 CB Clemson- “I can’t swim Clark.” “I know that Eddie.” I don’t know much about Tankersly’s swimming ability but I do know his tackling could use some work. Much was made about his 2 ints in the ACC title game, but it was his ability to shadow enormous TE Bucky Hodges that also made headlines. Would be nice to have somebody capable of covering the Gronks, Kelce’s, and Eiferts of the league. This kid is a gifted athlete and a playmaker for what I hope will be a very crowded secondary loaded with game changers and ball hawks.

3T) Curtis Samuel 6’0 211 RB/WR Ohio St “Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.” Mikey T has no problem running the wheels off our star RB, but even with 40+ touches against Buffalo, Leveon seems no worse for wear. Even if Bell is signed long term, this Samuel kid really intrigues me as a receiver and weapon out of the backfield. Samuel’s coach, the great Urban Meyer, went so far as to compare him to Sammy Watkins. “EAT MY ROAD RED LIVER LIPS!”

3) Cooper Kupp 6’2 215 WR Eastern Washington “HEY GRISWOLD! Where do you think you’re going to put a tree that big?” “Bend over I’ll show you!” “You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold!” I wasn’t talking to YOU.” Ben and the Steelers got tree-fucked by Martavis Bryant being off “in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey” this off season. I hope Bryant one day returns but in case he doesn’t it might be a good idea to draft a viable #2 opposite AB. “Word is you’re an excellent choice to be named Food Additive Designer of the Year.” Like Clark Griswold, this Kupp kid is no stranger to accolades becoming the first player in FCSS history to be a four time AP All-American as well as owning several other records including the most receiving yards in the HISTORY of the NCAA. Kid must be doing something right.

4.) Bradley Chubb 6’4 273 EDGE North Carolina St “It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they… HOTTER than they are…” While Clark was off shopping for lingerie for his dead wife, your Uncle Drama has been here, shopping for edge rushers. Nick Chubb’s cousin is an underrated pass rusher that really impressed me with his motor and burst around the corner “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on givin’the whole year.” “That it is Edward. That it is.”

4C) Hunter Dimick 6’3 272 EDGE Utah “He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish” This Dimick kid pursues qbs the way “Snots” chases after squirrels. My front 7 is going to be deep, tireless, and relentless. They’ll attack in waves just like the Kamikaze pilots bombing Pearl Harbor. Opposing quarterbacks won't know what hit them. "You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so."

5.) Deatrich Wise 6’5 272 DE Arkansas “What are you looking at? “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” Again my deep and talented front 7 is going to just keep coming, like the Jethros that kept tailgrabbing Clark on his way to get his family Christmas tree. You can never have enough edge rushers. “SHITTER WAS FULL!”

6) Rayshawn Jenkins 6’1 208 S Miami “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight…” Figure I’d get a gift for Arite Burns, his track buddy from the U to hang out with and eventually replace Mike Mitchell the “brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!” Ok I take it back, Mitchell’s played a little better the past few games.

7) Brandon Bell 6’1 233 OLB Penn St “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” If you would’ve told me that Pitt was going to beat #2 Clemson and Penn St. would beat Ohio St. en route to the Big 10 title no way I’d believe it either. Bell a good football player that represents the blood and guts, never say die approach of that Penn St. defense. Good stuff Happy Valley.

7C) Drew Wolitarsky 6’3 220 WR Minnesota- “I’mmmm dreaming of a whhhhhiiiite Christmaaas…”Another white WR Drama? Who are we the Patriots? Ok it’s a stretch but maybe this tough ‘sum bitch and team leader turns out to be the next Eric Decker.

Thanks as always for reading. If the Steelers have a great draft loaded with stud edge rushers, we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest offseason since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Kevin Colbert squeezes his fat white ass out of the Steelers’ war room, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of SteelerFury assholes this side of the nuthouse!

Happy Holidays fellas!


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 Post subject: Re: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 9:00 am 
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Getting Krupp and Samuel make this an interesting draft. I like the choices of EDGE, WR and RB

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 Post subject: Re: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:50 am 
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Finally.

I'm not the first person to do a trade down mock.

I really don't like Kupp.....not sure I see what the fuss is about.

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 Post subject: Re: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:51 pm 
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Can Walker play OLB??


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 Post subject: Re: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:49 am 
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cop1211 wrote:
Can Walker play OLB??

My uneducated guess is no but my thinking is the Steelers are trending away from the traditional version of the LeBeau 3-4 scheme. I think Keith Butler would really be intrigued by Walker's ability to rush the passer from all over the defensive line. I saw him get a sack from the edge and DT against Florida. A lot of the edge players I like in this draft seem to be better fits at DE than as a true 3-4 OLB but again I think Butler could find a special role for any of these kids that he deems capable of putting heat on the QB.


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 Post subject: Re: Christmas Mockation
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:01 pm 
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2T)Charles Harris OLB Missouri

2) Kendell Beckwith ILB LSU

3T) Alvin Kamara RB UTenn

3) Deatrich Wise Jr. DE Arkansas

4.) Kevin King CB Washington

4C)Obi Melifonwu S Connecticut

5.)Josh Reynolds WR Texas A&M

6) Brady Gustafson QB Montana

7) Antonio Garcia OT Troy

7C) Kermit Whitfield RS/Wr Florida State

I have some players ranked far higher than draftniks around the web....I have other players ranked a bit lower.

Drama great mock and presentation

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